Getting to know someone new—we mean really getting to know them—can be a thrill (for extroverts, under the right circumstances). But it can also feel like a downright daunting task. This is especially true for introverts, or anyone entering into a new situation—whether that’s a first date, a new job, a new city, or even a new identity (like first-time parenthood... or trying to emerge from two years of quarantine lifestyle). Show
To get the conversation going in the right direction, remember it’s not just about talking, but about listening, too. And that means asking the right questions, thought-starters primed to get at real substance rather than small talk. “Whether a new colleague at work, a business mixer, or even in a social scene, getting to know someone isn’t the easiest task,” explains Dr. Wayne Pernell, who holds a doctorate in clinical psychology and specializes in helping people achieve greater success and satisfaction in life and work. A good rule of thumb? “You never start with the weather,” he says. “It’s too easy. It doesn’t give you information, and ultimately it doesn’t mean anything. Instead, focus on something that's meaningful, but not a common topic.” Beyond that, he says, stay focused and interested. “It’s not just the questions, it’s how you ask and how you stay engaged as they answer that matters.” Here are 60 questions that can inspire real connection. Questions About Likes/DislikesAsking someone about things they enjoy—or despise—is a way to ask something personal without being intrusive, Pernell says. For instance, even asking someone about their favorite sandwich asks for a memory recall and opens doors of conversation. “You may learn about their preferences, you may learn about various trips they’ve taken, and you may learn about their background,” he says.
Questions About Hopes, Dreams, and FearsSimple questions can elicit truly profound responses when the questions get at the heart of someone’s biggest fears, regrets, hopes, or dreams. So go for it with these deeper questions, with a few caveats, says Dr. Alyson Nerenberg, licensed psychologist, specializing in relationships, and author of No Perfect Love: Shattering the Illusion of Flawless Relationships. “Keep your questions simple and open-ended—and don’t ask anything you wouldn’t want to answer yourself,” she says. “Make sure the questions are not boring. No one wants to be asked the same basic questions they’ve already answered a million times before.” Try these:
Questions That Spark (Friendly) DebateOne way to keep a conversation flowing is to ask questions about a topic likely to inspire opinionated—controversial—answers. “Start a friendly debate that sparks fun and unusual conversation,” suggests Kate Maclean, resident dating expert for Plenty of Fish. You probably want to avoid fraught political debates right off the bat; rather, even silly hypotheticals can lead to “quirky and lighthearted conversation that can help relax any situation.” To that end, try:
Questions About Family and CommunityFor some, questions about family can be emotionally charged or otherwise heavy. But gently unpacking the ties that bind someone’s family, friendships, and other community relationships can be both revealing and lively. For instance:
Questions About Personal History and Personality EssenceSometimes, a straightforward question can get at people’s own perceptions of themselves—and how they wish to be perceived by others they meet. Plus, the answers to these fundamental questions are unlikely to come up on their own through the course of superficial conversation. Consider these questions that probe someone’s personality, personal history, and what they consider to be the most fundamental aspects of their being:
Questions About WorkDepending on the setting you’re in, work-related questions can be both the most appropriate ice breakers and also ways to spark lively conversation. For the best results, go deeper than the standard interview/water cooler fare. “Do not simply go through a checklist of questions of what you are supposed to ask,” says Narenberg. “Truly listen to the person’s response. Everyone wants to feel like they are seen and listened to and that their answers matter.”
Alesandra is a digital travel and lifestyle journalist based in Los Angeles whose work has appeared in Good Housekeeping, Woman’s Day, Prevention, Insider, Glamour, Shondaland, AFAR, Parents, TODAY and countless other online and print outlets. Alesandra has a masters degree in journalism with an emphasis on cultural reporting and criticism from NYU, and a bachelor’s degree from UC Berkeley. An avid traveler, she trots the globe with her husband and their twins. What are some questions to ask someone about relationship?Deep Questions About Love. When was the first time you said “I love you” to someone in your life other than family?. When and where did you go on your first date ever?. Do you remember our first date?. Were you nervous during our first kiss?. When did you know you loved me?. What is your ideal night?. What 3 questions to ask someone to get to know them?Break the ice and get to know people better by selecting several of these get-to-know-you questions.. Who is your hero?. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?. What is your biggest fear?. What is your favorite family vacation?. What would you change about yourself if you could?. What really makes you angry?. What are some deep personal questions to get to know someone?More Deep Questions to Ask Anyone. If you could have three wishes, what would they be?. Who was your favorite cartoon character when you were a kid?. What does spirituality mean to you?. Do you believe in giving people second chances, and why?. How would you describe your first crush?. What are your favorite hobbies?. What to ask someone to get to know them dating?10 Perfect Questions to Ask On The First Date To Really Get To Know Someone. “What Makes You Unique?” ... . 2. ” What are some random fun facts about you?” ... . “What's Something You Want to Learn or Wish You Were Better At?” ... . “Would You Rather…?” ... . “Know Any Good Jokes?” ... . “What's Your Favorite Place on Earth?”. |