How to be friend with your ex

Q: How do I reconnect with my ex as a friend?

Reconnect through a social network Dont chat your ex up, or post a public message on their wall. Send a private message and a friend invitation (if you guys have cut each other off), and explain that you may have ended the relationship, but you still value your ex as a special friend.

For one, it can be extremely difficult to move on for either of you when you are in touch and hang out as friends. Also, it can (and will) hurt like hell when one of you starts dating someone new.

However, if you don’t want to lose the person and keep them in your life, offering to stay friends is the only option you are left with while breaking up. Not to worry, it can work.

If you both have mutually decided to stay connected as friends after you split as a couple, you can continue to be cordial without hurting each other or yourself.

There are some unwritten rules of being friends with your ex in a healthy way that you can follow and make sure this new arrangement doesn’t end up in a disaster.

Here are 5 rules of being friends with your ex:

1. Flirting Is Off Limits

Not only it could be awkward at times but it could rekindle interest or feelings, which is dangerous if it happens to only one party.

When you agreed on being friends, you signed up for a platonic relationship that excludes casual flirting (even if it includes inside jokes) or romantic gestures.

2. Respect Their Space

They are not your partner anymore so you need to treat them like any other friend you have.

You absolutely cannot expect them to spend their time texting you, calling you or giving you every tiny detail of their life.

3. Set Emotional Boundaries

When you were together, they might be the first person you ran to when you felt down or had a fight at home or were sick. However, things have changed and your equation too after your breakup.

Don’t depend on them emotionally and don’t seek love, attention and affection from an ex-turned-friend. Set emotional boundaries. No drunk texts, either.

4. Don’t Bring Up The Past

While hanging out or conversing with your ex, don’t bring up past memories or romantic evenings you spent together or all the firsts you had.

You need to give yourself and them a chance to move on and look beyond what you had as a couple.

Bringing up what led your relationship to the breakup is also not okay at all.

5. Put A New Label To Your Relationship

Do you still call them your ex while mentioning them in a conversation with your friends or family? Stop clinging to that label and instead address them as your friend.

Calling them your ex will only make it harder to move on from the broken relationship and solely look at them as a friend.

Staying friends with your ex can be complicated, but if you’re both on the same page and you take things slowly, you can make it work. Before you try to establish a friendship with your ex, make sure you only want to be friends, otherwise things might get painful and awkward. If you broke up recently, take some time apart so you can heal. When you start to spend time with your ex again, stick to hanging out in non-romantic public places, like a café or park, so it doesn’t get awkward. You should also avoid talking about your relationship or your current partners, so you don’t bring up painful memories. Instead, talk about neutral things like current events, mutual friends, and pop culture. For more tips, including how to avoid flirting with your ex, read on!

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Sometimes, friendship could be the only way to keep you connected to someone you still care for. This could be a complicated process, but with respect and mutual consent, creating a new kind of relationship with your ex can be smooth.

If you want to keep your ex part of your life as a friend, you can try the following ways.

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1. Have a proper closure first.

2. Forgive completely.

3. Get his/her forgiveness.

4. Give each other space.

5. Take time to heal.

6. Avoid spreading gossips about your ex.

7. Do not snob him/her.

8. Behave like meeting an old friend.

9. Treat each other casually.

10. Do not open up about the past.

11. Be sincere in your friendship.

12. Know your limitations.

13. Stay in the same circle of friends.

14. Respect his/her new relationship.

Do not force it

1. Have a proper closure first.

A pure friendship can only happen if you and your ex had a clean exit. No matter how hard your fight was or how painful the breakup was, both of you have to maturely settle the issue. Before walking away from each other, make sure to have apologized to each other and agreed to just keep the good memories of your relationship.

ALSO READ: 14 Ways to Move On from a Relationship Without Closure

2. Forgive completely.

It may not happen overnight, but be willing to give your complete forgiveness to your ex for the pain s/he caused you. You cannot be friends with him/her if you still have grudge against the person.

ALSO READ: 9 Tips on How to Forgive Someone Who Broke Your Heart

3. Get his/her forgiveness.

Still, you cannot be friends if s/he still has grudge against you. Make sure to have sincerely apologized for whatever pain you have caused him/her. It may take time, but once the wounds heal and both of you have released forgiveness, it is possible to build a new friend already.

4. Give each other space.

Not seeing or communicating with each other while recovering from the breakup can help make the moving on process easier. Give yourself and your ex space to heal. That means not contacting him/her until such time you know both of you have already recovered.

5. Take time to heal.

Do not force yourself to move on immediately. The more you force it to happen, the longer it will take. Therefore, allow yourself enough time and space to accept that your relationship is over. Do not force yourself to be comfortable around him/her if you are not ready yet.

ALSO READ: 10 Inspirational Tips to Heal a Broken Heart

6. Avoid spreading gossips about your ex.

No matter how upset you are about the breakup and your ex, control yourself from saying negative things against him/her or divulging his/her secrets. Once s/he knows about it, you can forget about your desire to be friends with him/her.

7. Do not snob him/her.

Once you meet, whether accidentally or expectedly, do not ignore him/her. A smile or short greeting would not hurt. You do not have to act as nothing had happened, but at least you can be civil with each other.

8. Behave like meeting an old friend.

Whenever s/he is around, treat him/her like an old friend to avoid awkwardness. Greet him/her with cheerfulness and high energy (without sounding you miss him/her) like you are just happy to see an old friend. You can crack jokes and ask the usual questions friends ask each other like ‘how d ‘yah do?’. This would help your ex ease up as well. This could be uncomfortable at the beginning, but if you meet regularly, it would be natural in the long run.

9. Treat each other casually.

When you are around each other, treat each other casually. Avoid asking too personal or intimate questions that could be misinterpreted. Just talk about casual topics under the sun like the weather and current events. Do not give special treatment to each other as well. Remember, you are only friends. Treat him/her like how you treat your normal friends.

10. Do not open up about the past.

Unless necessary, and you know both of you have not fully moved on yet, avoid topics that would lead to your past relationship. Remember, you had your closure, so there is no need to open up about where it went wrong or whose fault was the breakup. You do not want to re-open wounds and severe your current connection.

11. Be sincere in your friendship.

If both of you have decided—directly or indirectly—to be friends, then you have to be a sincere friend. Do not pretend to be friendly only because you want to get information about his/her new partner or you are hoping there is a second chance for your relationship. Keep your friendship pure and malice-free.

12. Know your limitations.

Remember, you are not a boyfriend/girlfriend anymore. Therefore, you have no right to decide for him/her or criticize his/her actions. You may give an honest opinion or suggestion only if you are asked to. You cannot dictate your ex anymore. You should also avoid invading his/her privacy or personal life.

13. Stay in the same circle of friends.

If you and your ex have the same friends from before, then do not cut your friendship with them. If you really want to keep your ex as a friend, then the most comfortable way is being together with the same gang. At first, it could be awkward and uncomfortable. Your friends may tease or try to get you back together as well. Nevertheless, they will eventually get the hang of your new status, and if they are real friends, they will respect and support your decisions.

14. Respect his/her new relationship.

In case your ex has already found a new love, then avoid being bitter and jealous if you want to be friends. Respect his/her present relationship. Treat the new partner nicely and casually. Avoid being sweet to your ex and contacting him/her for no important reason to avoid causing him/her trouble. It may be awkward at first, but if you and your ex have really moved on, then there would be no problem.

Do not force it

Just a word of caution though, the friendship will only work if both of you are comfortable and eager. Do not force your ex to keep you as a friend if s/he is not willing or ready for it. In case s/he does not want to keep your part of his/her life, then you have to respect that decision.

Is it a good idea to be friends with an ex?

Exes can make for good friends who know how to support, motivate, and care for you. However, each situation is unique. Don't rush into it, ask yourself what you want from the friendship, and make sure your ex stays in the past when it comes to your romantic future.

Can you be friends with an ex you still love?

They may continue to love and care deeply about their former partners, though those feelings are no longer tied up with wanting to continue dating. As long as you wholeheartedly accept that the relationship is over and are actively moving on with your life, you can still maintain a friendship with an ex you love.

How do I reconnect with my ex as a friend?

Reconnect through a social network Don't chat your ex up, or post a public message on their wall. Send a private message and a friend invitation (if you guys have cut each other off), and explain that you may have ended the relationship, but you still value your ex as a special friend.

Is it hard to be friends with your ex?

A friendship between exes exposes either one or both of you to a pain and hurt much worse than what the breakup brought on. This is especially true if there are unresolved feelings at play and both of you have gone long enough without getting into a new relationship.

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