Books on borderline personality disorder for family members

Rachel Reiland

This book offers hope for those who think their situation has none.
--Rachel Reiland, author of Get Me Out of Here

Kimberlee Roth

Be prepared to make some positive changes in your relationships.

--Kimberlee Roth, co-author of Surviving a Borderline Parent

Perry D. Hoffman

Kreger should be commended for her untiring efforts to help people impacted by this disorder.

--Perry D. Hoffman, Ph.D., President-National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder

Debra Resnick

Kreger's communication techniques, grounded in the latest research, provide family members with the essential ability to regain a genuine, meaningful relationship with their loved one with Borderline Personality Disorder.

--Debra Resnick, Psy.D., President, Psychological Services and Human Development Center

Richard A. Moskovitz

Kreger uncovers the marvelous symmetry of the borderline relationship, in which both participants experience similar self-doubts, irrational guilt and shame, wavering identity, helplessness, anger, and fear of abandonment. Those with BPD and their loved ones will, together, benefit from the tools she provides.

--Richard A. Moskovitz, M.D., author of Lost in the Mirror

Jerold J. Kreisman

With exquisite understanding of the disorder and empathy for both those who have it and their family members, Kreger offers valuable 'Power Tools,' to help readers endure the ravages of BPD.
--Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D., co-author of I Hate You, Don't Leave

Freda B. Friedman

This indispensible book is compassionate to all involved and avoids blame, jargon, and oversimplification.

--Freda B. Friedman, Ph.D., Dialectical Behavior Specialist

Barbara Oakley

Kreger masterfully breaks down BPD to help people more easily understand this complex subject.

--Barbara Oakley, Ph.D., author of Evil Genes

Blaire Aguirre

Randi Kreger has done it again! With her new book, she continues to make the dynamics of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) readily accessible to those of us who love, live with and treat people who suffer from this complex condition.

--Blaise Aguirre, MD, Medical Director, Adolescent Dialectical Behavior Therapy Residential Program, McLean Hospital

Whether it’s a family member or someone you’re dating, navigating a relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is often difficult. You may be frustrated with their fluctuating moods and unsure of how to handle their issues with abandonment and self-harm. 

If you’re not yet ready to engage in BPD treatment with your loved one – or even if you have – there are many books available that can help you gain a better understanding of Borderline Personality Disorder and learn ways to more effectively navigate your relationship. Here are our top picks. 

Randi Kreger, author of Stop Walking on Eggshells, created this guide specifically for family members of people with BPD. In The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder, Kreger provides family members tools to repair their relationships with loved ones who have BPD, including techniques for setting boundaries and for more effective communication.    

This guide, edited by Perry Hoffman, PhD, and John Gunderson, PhD, brings together advice and guidance from experts in BPD. In Understanding and Treating Borderline Personality Disorder, you will learn the basis for a BPD diagnosis, available BPD treatments, and ways to build effective support systems for you and your loved one. 

One of the primary challenges of Borderline Personality Disorder is instability in interpersonal relationships. Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, by Shari Manning, offers family and friends skills in how to establish better boundaries and defuse crises to create more stable relationships. This book is grounded in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a treatment specifically created to treat BPD by Marsha Linehan, who wrote the book’s foreword. 

In Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder, author Valerie Porr teaches empirically-supported and effective coping behaviors and interpersonal skills based on DBT and Mentalization-based Therapy (MBT). These skills can reduce conflict in your relationship with someone with BPD and build trust. 

Being raised by a parent with Borderline Personality Disorder isn’t always easy, and may have impacted you well into adulthood. Surviving a Borderline Parent, by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman, is a step-by-step guide for adult children of parents with Borderline Personality Disorder that provides coping strategies for dealing with issues commonly experienced by that population. 

In Understanding the Borderline Mother, Christine Ann Lawson examines different types of borderline mothers and how they relate to their children. These types include the waif mother, the hermit mother, the queen mother, and the witch. Lawson offers specific suggestions for creating healthier relationships with each type of borderline mother. 

If you know of any other books that cover relationships with people diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, post them in the comments below.

How do you deal with a borderline family member?

8 Best Tips for How to Cope With a Loved One's Borderline Personality Disorder.
Learn About the Illness..
Validate Their Feelings..
Simplify Your Message..
Encourage Responsibility..
Set Boundaries..
Don't Ignore Threats of Suicide or Self-Harm..
Help Your Loved One Find Treatment..
Find Support for Yourself..

Does borderline personality run in families?

In addition to environmental factors — such as a history of child abuse or neglect — borderline personality disorder may be linked to: Genetics. Some studies of twins and families suggest that personality disorders may be inherited or strongly associated with other mental health disorders among family members.

How does BPD affect family members?

What is the effect of BPD on family members? Family members often feel mystified and exhausted by their relative's illness. The intense mood swings and anger outbursts can be frightening and disruptive. Impulsive acting out in areas such as spending, substance abuse, or sex can be a major source of marital conflict.

Do borderlines get worse with age?

Case studies and clinical experience suggest that features of BPD can be exacerbated in old age due to contextual changes, even causing a growing prevalence of BPD in residential care and psychiatric facilities for the elderly [55,56,57,58].

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