Does the Bible allow a Christian husband to treat his wife any way he decides is best? Does a Christian wife have to submit to her husband at all times? The apostle Paul has the following to say to Christian husbands and wives regarding their conduct toward each other:
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (Eph. 5:24)
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Eph. 5:33)
The Greek word for “submit” in Ephesians 5:21–24 is hypotassó, and it refers to a wife’s “recognition of an ordered structure” in which her husband is the person to whom she should show appropriate respect “as to the Lord” (BDAG, 1042; Eph. 5:22; see also 1 Pet. 3:1–6). Similarly, the Greek word for “respect” in Ephesians 5:33 is phobÄ“tai, which means to have a profound measure of reverence/respect for someone (BDAG, 1061).
While some Christians have wrongly used these Bible verses as an excuse for husbands to mistreat their wives, the verses actually communicate the vast responsibility a husband has to care for his wife and the wife’s duty to honor her husband. In an upcoming article, we will focus on a Christian wife’s responsibilities to her husband. First, here are six things (in no particular order) every Christian husband should give his wife:
1. Love
A Christian husband should love his wife as he does himself and always protect her from all harm (Eph. 5:25–29). He should do his best to “nurture and cherish” his wife in the love of Christ as he would his own flesh and tend to her spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical needs (Eph. 5:29; Col. 3:19).
2. Respect
A Christian husband should always respect his wife. When Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands in Ephesians 5:24, he does not mean that wives must endure abuse, neglect, or mistreatment of any kind by their husbands. Rather, Paul is reminding the church that a wife is under the leadership of her husband (Eph. 5:23). A Christian husband must always show his wife honor, both publicly and privately, and protect her dignity and reputation from any and all slander (1 Pet. 3:7).
3. Spiritual Leadership
A Christian husband should provide his wife with spiritual leadership. Even though his wife may be well equipped in biblical doctrine and application and spend a considerable amount of time instructing their children in the faith, a husband must be diligent to oversee and guide the spiritual training of his family (Eph. 6:4).
4. Attention
A Christian husband should be attentive to his wife. He should always do his best to set aside a substantial amount of time to be with his wife, enjoy her company, and seek to understand her better. In doing so, a Christian husband and his wife can grow closer to each other and build a stronger marriage that honors God in all (Prov. 5:18–19; Eph. 5:31).
5. Devotion
A Christian husband should always be faithful to his wife. Even when times are difficult due to financial, emotional, or physical challenges, a husband’s personal happiness must always be subordinated to sacrificially loving his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25; see also 1 Cor. 7:1–5). In doing so, he honors not only his wife but also his Lord.
6. Enjoyment
A Christian husband should enjoy his wife. She is a precious gift from God given to comfort, support, encourage, and love her husband (Prov. 18:22; 31:10–12; 1 Pet. 3:1). The more a husband values, cherishes, and nurtures his wife, the more she will reflect God's love as his radiant bride.
Heather Riggleman calls Nebraska home (Hey, it’s not for everyone) with her three kids and husband of 20 years. She writes to bring bold truths to marriage, career, mental health, faith, relationships, celebration and heartache. Heather is an author and a former national award-winning journalist. Her work has also been featured on Proverbs 31 Ministries, MOPS, Today's Christian Woman and Focus On the Family. You can find her at heatherriggleman.com or connect with her on Instagram.The most important personal relationship that a man can have, outside of his spiritual relationship with God through the Lord Jesus Christ, is his relationship with his wife. In the process of looking for a wife, the highest principle is to look for a woman with a personal faith in Jesus Christ. The Apostle Paul tells us not to be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). Unless a man and woman are in full agreement on this most crucial issue, a godly and fulfilling marriage cannot take place.
However, marrying a fellow believer does not guarantee the full experience of being "equally yoked." The fact that a woman is a Christian does not mean she is necessarily a good match for you spiritually. Does she have the same spiritual goals as you? Does she have the same doctrinal beliefs? Does she have the same passion for God? The qualities of a potential wife are crucially important. Far too many men marry for emotional or physical attraction alone, and that can be a recipe for failure.
What are some godly qualities a man can look for in a wife? Scripture gives us some principles we can use to create a picture of a godly woman. She should first be surrendered in her own spiritual relationship with the Lord. The apostle Paul tells the wife that she is to submit to her husband as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22-24). If a woman is not surrendered to the Lord, she will not likely see submission to her husband as necessary to her own spiritual well-being. We cannot fulfill the expectations of anyone else without first allowing God to fill us with Himself. A woman with God at the center of her life is a good candidate for a wife.
Paul also gives some character traits for a woman in his instructions about leaders in the church. "In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything" (1 Timothy 3:11). In other words, this is a woman who is not overly proud, knows when to speak and when to be silent, and is able to take her place beside her husband in confidence. She is a woman whose first focus is upon her relationship with the Lord and her own spiritual growth.
The responsibilities of marriage are greater for the husband, for God’s order places him as the head of his wife and his family. This headship is modeled after the relationship between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:25-33). It is a relationship grounded in love. Just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, the husband is to love his wife as he does his own body. Therefore, a man’s personal spiritual relationship with the Lord is of supreme importance in the success of his marriage and his family. Willing sacrifice and the strength to choose to be a servant to the betterment of his marriage are the marks of a maturing spiritual man who honors God. Wisely choosing a wife based upon biblical qualities is important, but of equal importance is a man’s own ongoing spiritual growth and his surrender to God’s will in his life. A man who is seeking to be the man God wants him to be will be able to help his wife be the woman God desires her to be and will be able to build the marriage into the union God, he, and his wife desire it to be.